Diet FAIL

Yesterday was a shitty day at work.  I mean, really shitty.  Boss Lady wrote me up because evidently I don't straighten the department well enough.  TBPH, on some level, I guess I might agree with her.  I hate that department.  I'm not a "department" kind of worker... I belong on the front end.  Even though it's just a PT job, I know that my talents are being wasted sitting at the stupid furniture desk.  And I hate sitting back there, because not only is it boring since most people can't afford to order overpriced baby furniture these days,  the majority of my job consists of straightening overpriced toys for spoiled little rich kids, vacuuming, and taking out the trash.  If I wanted a janitorial job, I would have applied at Disney where at least the fringe benefits rock.  I HATE straightening toys... because two seconds later, some little kid is going to come along and jack everything up and if I don't notice it, I'll get in trouble for not straightening things. 

Today was not the first shitty day I've had since I've changed things up and started losing weight, but it was the first shitty day where my first thought was to grab every 3 Musketeers bar in a 6 mile radius and eat them one after another, kind of like chain-smoking.  I even said to myself, "Screw this damn diet... I don't weigh in until Friday, I have time to get back on the bandwagon."  So I marched up to the front of the store, grabbed a 3 Musketeers bar, and scarfed the entire thing.  It. Tasted. Delicious.  I wanted four more.  And then a Snickers.  And then half a dozen packs of Twizzlers Pull-n-Peel.  What's crazy is that I'm not even a sugar fiend... I never have been, not even when I was huge (huge-er).  But the site of all that candy sitting there, calling to me, when I had tears drying on my face and I was absolutely exhausted from working so much and ready to just lay down on the floor and die... it was almost too much.

I stopped myself, though.  I'm not exactly sure what it was that stopped me... I think part of it was guilt (towards myself) that I had worked so hard for my weight loss and I was about to throw it away for 6 ounces of nougat.  Part of it was having the forethought to know that if I chowed down on candy and then I didn't have a loss at WI on Friday, that I would likely get frustrated and give up.  But I think the biggest deciding factor was the fact that my stomach was already starting to hurt from ingesting junk.  I hadn't had anything like that in a long time, and my stomach let me know it.

So I went back to my desk, put in my points in my points tracker, and moved on.  Even with the candy,  I still stayed under points.  It still feels like a fail because I gave in to the stress and ate crap, but I guess I should be proud of myself for not giving up completely.

Blah.  Let's hope today is better than yesterday.

High Roller

I've been on an emotional high since yesterday morning... and I'm hoping it continues. :-)

I decided to go to the gym yesterday simply to get out of the house and give Punkin something to do.  She totally destroys the place when we're home and she likes going to the gym daycare, so we headed over.  We stopped at Wal-Mart first to get a cheap set of headphones so I'd have something to use to listen to the TV while I was on the elliptical.  I totally love the little TVs on the machines, but not when I can't hear what's going on.  So I found a pair for like, $2.  They'll probably be destroyed sometime soon by a short person the moderately resembles me, but that's okay - I don't mind because they were so cheap.

I didn't really have a workout in mind and the only class they were doing was Silver Sneakers yoga (yoga for older folks, using chairs for balance and whatnot) so I just jumped on the treadmill and walked at a 2.0 incline for about 10 minutes to warm up.  Afterward, I climbed on the elliptical (my fave!) and watched a combination of the noon news and Supernatural on TNT (GOD, how I miss cable!) while I worked out for about 20 minutes.  When I was done, I decided to weigh myself even though when I was on the scale on Saturday morning, it said 285.  I figured I'd see maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaybe 284 or 283 if I was super lucky.  Instead, do you know what I saw?

Guess.

No, really, go on and guess.

I'll wait.

:crickets chirping:

Okay, I'll tell you.

It said....

2...
8...
0!


That's right, folks, the scale said 280!  And just in case you had any doubt about whether that scale was accurately calibrated, you can rest assured - I weighed myself on the scale at school and it said exactly the same thing!  280!  I could have died and gone to heaven!  Do you realize what that means?  It means that I have hit my mini-goal of 280... and I am only 10 pounds away from my next mini-goal (and my BIG goal) of 270!  Which will officially be WAY below any weight I've ever been as an over-18 adult!  And look!  Do you see that little number under the 280?  Where is says 38.5?  That's my BMI... for the first time EVER, my BMI is out of the Obesity 3 range!  It's now in Obesity 2!  I know that seems like the weirdest thing ever, to be excited about being labeled Obesity 2, but after Obesity 3, there's nothing else.  So someone who is 6 feet tall and weighs 285 pounds is in the same obesity category as someone 5'2" who weighs 497 pounds.  I can officially no longer be lumped in the "too-fat-for-a-number" BMI group!

I am so happy... and so proud of myself for sticking with this and accomplishing what I have so far.  So many people today told me how great I looked... I know I'm still significantly overweight, but to hear people tell me I look great, they may as well have given me free money!  That's how good it makes me feel!

Tomorrow... ZUMBA!  At least 10 Activity Points right there!!!

Life is SO FABULOUS!!!!

I made it back to the gym!

I went to the gym yesterday!  I'm really proud of myself... I didn't realize I hadn't been there since August.  I guess after starting back to work, I slacked off, and then when I started working at B.RU, I REALLY slacked off.  Because let's face it: Who wants to work 40 hours a week at one job, 30 hours a week at another job, come home to a full-time single mom job, and still go to the gym?  If you know of someone, please let me know, because I sure could use their motivation.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanyway.... they didn't have any classes at the gym yesterday that I was interested in going to, so I almost didn't go.  They usually only have Bo.dyP.ump on Saturdays and I'm just not into it.  Group weight training is great, but not what I like.  So I decided to just do my own little workout instead.  I did 21 minutes on the Elliptical, 5 minutes on the treadmill and 7 minutes on the bike.  I would have stayed longer on the treadmill but truth is, I got bored, lol.  If I want to walk, I'll walk outside in the fresh air where there's scenery and I can take the Punkin along in her stroller.  And I would have stayed longer on the bike, but after 6 months of not being in the gym and then 20 minutes on the elliptical, my legs were killing me.  So I got off, did some crunches, and called it a day.  I wound up earning 4 activity points, which is more than I'd earned TOTAL since I started WW again.

I'm very pleased with my weight loss!  When I weighed in on Friday, I was 283, which makes me sublimely happy!  I'm below my pre-pregnancy weight and only 3 pounds from my next mini-goal, and only 13 pounds from my all-time adult low (and only 83 pounds from my ultimate goal!)  I'm not struggling with WW like I thought I would... I'm sticking to my points (for the most part), attempting to get exercise, and I'm seeing results, which is all that really matters to me.

If I don't post before next Friday, I'll update then with my next weigh-in.  Wish me luck!

And the slacker award goes to...

Okay, okay, I know it's been a long time since I've posted.  I could offer a million excuses (Punkin was sick, the internet was down, I work two jobs and I'm a single mom and it's hard to find time to breathe let alone post, etc) but I won't.  I'm just a slacker.

I have been OP every day since I've started WW, back on January 3rd.  So today has been one full month!  Yay!  Go me!  There were a couple days this week where I know I went over my points (not by many, maybe1-3) and I didn't track them, but to me, that's okay since I never use my weeklies anyway.  So I know all told I didn't go over my points by 49, which is what my weekly allowance is.  I'm very anxious to see what my weigh-in will be tomorrow.  I've weighed myself almost every day this week and that scale still says 287 - there's no moving it.  I didn't weigh today because the scale I use is in the guidance counselor's office at my school and I was at a training at another school, but I'm nervous about tomorrow's weigh-in.  I know a gain is not the end of the world, but knowing myself, I hope if I DO gain, it's not going to throw me off.  Fingers crossed... not much else I can do.

I had chicken breast and fat free refried bean burritos for dinner tonight.  I had 2, for a total of 15 points, and they were SO yummy.  I don't know why, but for the last several days after I eat a big meal, my stomach hurts like nothing else.  Not cramping, not nausea, but actual pain.  I don't think I'm stretching out my stomach, but if that's not it, I don't know what it could be.  I'm under my points tonight by about 6, I think, which is enough for a chocolate banana peanut butter smoothie, but my stomach is still hurting and I'm not hungry, so I'm going to just let them fall, I think.

I've had a rough night with Julianne so I'm going to bed, I just wanted to write SOMETHING to let you know I'm still alive.  I'll update tomorrow with my WI results!

Tummy trouble and grilled veggie sammitches

My stomach is really hurting tonight.  I have no idea why.  I didn't eat anything funky at all.  Everything I put in my mouth today has gone in there before without incident, so I don't know what's up.  I was super hungry after school because I didn't take an afternoon snack in my lunch bag, so I had some of those chocolate animal crackers I bought the other night.  It's 3 points for a serving, but I don't mind because they taste good and take the edge off my chocolate cravings.  After I picked Punkin up, we stopped at Albertson's because I wanted veggies, and between the two of us we almost completely cleaned out a bowl of fresh pineapple chunks - SO good!  I hope my mom's pineapple plants haven't died in all the freezes we've had this year, because there is nothing like fresh pineapple! 

Anyway, on the way home I stopped at TB and got Punkin a taco because she had been asking for it and I don't mind letting her have one every now and then.  I made myself grilled veggie sandwiches for dinner - toasted hoagie roll (4 pts) brushed with Italian dressing (2 pts) and topped with grilled zucchini, carrots, onions, and mushrooms (0 pts).  It was really good, but after eating the second one my stomach was killing me and it still is more than an hour later.  I don't know why, but I do know that they tasted yummy.  And they're fairly low points for a dinner, especially a filling one that is so healthy!  I didn't use any oil at all to cook the veggies, just sprayed my grill pan with Pam before I tossed everything on.  It would be so nice to live in a house one day where I can have a real grill and cook outside.  I LOVE grilled food, but it certainly doesn't taste the same when you grill on a grill pan on your stove.

I'm pretty proud of myself for how well I've done on WW.  Today is the 18th, so I've been OP 15 days and haven't cheated once, and I've tracked every day.  Normally at this point I'd be thinking about my "cheat day" but I don't even want one.  I want to stay on this plan, to eat healthy, and to lose the weight.  I think I might allow myself a cheat day once I hit 270 pounds - and the "cheat" will be going to Sweet Tomatoes, lol.  I don't know why, but 270 seems to be some sort of magic number for me. I think because last time I did WW, I quit before I got to that point.  I think I quit somewhere around 278 because I started to get cold feet about losing too much weight (WTF is THAT all about?!?).  But I want to see 270 on that scale... so bad I can taste it.  And even more so, I want to see 250.  I know it will be a while before I get there, though, so I'm not gonna freak out if I don't see it before February.  Actually, if I lose an average of 2 pounds per week (some weeks more, some weeks less, as long as I'm OP) I could theoretically be down to 250 by my birthday!  And what a 30th birthday present that would be to myself!

Ooh, now I'm even more excited!  Time to go pack my lunchbox for tomorrow!  Then off to lay down and hopefully cure this stomachache.

Super Fattening Taco Salad In A Deep Fried Bowl...

... has no place in my house.  :-)

I've never been big on the traditional taco salad that you generally find in Mexican restaurants and Taco Bell, but the other night I was trying to figure out what I wanted to have for dinner and the only thing that kept popping into my head was taco salad.  I have no idea why, but that's what it was - a big, fat, honking taco salad.  I knew there was no way to have it the traditional way, so I set about figuring out how to WW-ify it.  I ended up using ground turkey breast instead of beef (YUM-O!  I love how it's not greasy!) and the traditional seasoning, but instead of putting it in the deep-fried bowl, I literally spilled half a bag of lettuce on a plate and tossed 1/4 of the pan of ground turkey on top.  I also diced half an onion and tossed that on, a pinch of RF cheese and some light sour cream and the whole thing wound up being 6 points!  I was thrilled, because I really didn't notice anything different with the taste (except for less grease from the meat).  I had two servings for a tidy little dinner of 12 points and I was totally satisifed.

I had another totally yummy dinner tonight!  Tim and Jacob came up to Altamonte and Punkin and I met them at Chili's.  I probably spent an hour today going over all the NI from the Chili's website so I would know what I could get.  I figured out the points for everything I felt I could have (under 20 pts) and highlighted it, so I would know my choices.  I was pretty convinced I was going to get the Guiltless Grill sirloin, but I saw it only came with a small side of veggies and I really wanted something more hearty.  So I got the Margarita Chicken (with beans and rice) for 15 points, and a house salad for 4 (I skipped the cheese and had low-fat ranch).  I was stuffed before I was done, but I made it a point to finish my chicken because, gosh-darn-it, I was gonna eat every single point of that yummy food.  I finally had to stop with about two mouthfuls of beans left.

But you know the greatest victory about the evening?  Tim and Jacob ordered chips and salsa and the two of them ate two baskets.  But I didn't touch a single one.  Go on, pat me on the back. :-)

Oh, and to end on a super positive note, I weighed-in today.  And guess what?

I'm down 2 more pounds.  :-)

On the road again...

I'm back on the diet bandwagon.  I've been hesitant to mention it to too many people because every time I've mentioned it in the past, I've always cursed myself and jumped off just a few weeks after I started.  Although this time, I'm not calling it a diet - I'm calling it a lifestyle change.  Because to be honest, that's what it is.  I know I'm always going to have days where I'm going to eat whatever I want either due to convenience or sheer desire, but my goal now is to drop all the extra weight (slowly, but permanently) and maintain a healthy lifestyle.  For now it's only diet, but I really want to get back into going to the gym.  I miss it a lot more than I thought I would.  It's been super hard to get there lately because now that I work part time at B.RU (which I love, BTW - can you say BABY FIX?!), I usually work on Monday and Wednesday nights, and those are the nights of my two favorite classes, Body Flow and Zumba.  And the nights that I don't have to work I'm usually too exhausted to do anything.  I spoke to my manager (we'll call her Boss Lady) and told her I needed less hours - because I do.  I work all week at school, then I'm working an extra 25-30 hours each week at B.RU - far too many.  I feel like I never see Julianne, and she's become very clingy.  Boss Lady seemed to understand that I need to spend less time with other people's babies and more time at home with MY baby, so she said she'd take care of it.  Some things I really like about her. :-)

WW has changed their plan around a lot - they now use what they call Poin.tsPl.us.  Most foods are more points than they used to be (except veggies, which are free, and now, hallelujah - all fruit is free too!), and you no longer use calories, fat and fiber to figure points - you use fat, fiber, protein and carbs.  I think the premise behind not using the calories anymore is that not all calories are created equal: some are from fat, some are from protein, some are from carbs, etc.  They also don't have a slider anymore (I think I read somewhere that it was just too complicated to make an effective one) so now you have to either buy the WW calculator that figures it all out, or be smart like me and download an app on your phone that does the same thing (for free). 

The whole plan change thing freaked me out at first until I found out I got to have more daily points too - now I get 49.  Even though I get more dailies I was worried I'd be hungry because all of my favorite foods went up in Poin.tsPl.us, but the whole free fruit thing is really saving me.  I can have my banana/strawberry/blueberry smoothie in the morning and all it costs me is the Poin.tsPl.us for the milk.  Plus, if I wanted to, I could eat ten apples, a bowl of watermelon and whole pineapple for a snack.  Not that I think WW recommends doing that, but it's nice to know the option exists. :-)

In an effort to really get excited about it, I decided to buy my first grown-up lunchbox.  I spent HOURS on Ama.zon looking for the perfect lunchbox for me and narrowed it down to these:

Of COURSE I picked a frog lunchbox.  :-)  It turns out neither one made the cut - my friend J talked me into going to Ross to look at what they had and I found a big pink one with bungee straps on the outside for bottles of water (or in my case, smoothies) and it was only $5, so I got that one instead.  In the 4 days I've owned it, I've only taken it to school twice because I forgot it the other two.  Typical.

Anyway, that's where I'm at for the moment.  I feel good, things feel food, the plan is working for me so far.  So I'm gonna keep on groovin' along.

Peace!